this week and last week has really been a real trip. i saw things i never saw from work. for a week i deliberated about office politics and for a while i really felt very disillusioned. i wondered when life got so complicated, where what u see isn't what u get, where the amount of time u invest talking to a person does not indicate the closeness u are to a person, where you are so angry that u want to scream but can't tell anyone, where u feel as if people are always doubting u. i felt like a fish out of water, it was as if i cldn't trust anyone or show the people around me who i was. i was scared, that i'd be gossiped about or back-stabbed. i tried to be detached from the people around me. because of that, i felt really miserable.

i am only a temp staff had i complicated things all on my own? somehow knowing that i am leaving soon made me snap out of my negative outlook on my job. perhaps if we get rid of the fortress we've built, we will realize that people aren't always mean all the time and slowly maybe we'll learn to see the good in others.

i dun want to build an invisible wall anymore.i just want to be me and show others who i am. i heard this quote from a movie " find out who you are and try not to be afraid of who you are." yes, so i really am not going to be someone i am not. if people want to gossip about me, its their problem. i am who i am and trying to be someone u are not is tough and i quit! really! if there are consequences for being attached, i am willing to pay for it.

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/Alissa
/Weed
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its a free country(: